Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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