can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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