I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
