She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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