so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
