I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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