The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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