I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
