Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
