Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
