It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
