I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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