Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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