why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
