Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
