so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
