just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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