try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
