Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What drink are we having for lunch?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
