Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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