dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
