Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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