Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
