I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
