I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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