You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bring me that man meat
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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