4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
barbara walters just said penis...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
