Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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