What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
