Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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