they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
