I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
