he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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