Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
