It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
