One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
