Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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