hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
