I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
