Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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