my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
