just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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