Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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