Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
