dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
