if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
