you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
