Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
