checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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