oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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