She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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