Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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