Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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