I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
