Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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