it was like his penis was on wheels.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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