im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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