That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
