omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
