If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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