Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
