please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
