i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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