i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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