dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
