I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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