Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
