Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize