I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
barbara walters just said penis...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
