Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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