There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
