Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
