I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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