1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
